thoughts on "the transformative power of practice": pt. 1

All of our ages were once counted in months. Looking back on a photograph of myself at 20+ months, or my children before their first birthdays, I am reminded that in some ways, we are the same people, and, in others, everything has (or will have) changed.

Ng'ethe Maina and Staci Haines explain, in their article entitled 'The Transformative Power of Practice', that our present behaviors are based in part on the gut reactions of ourselves and others during our upbringing and younger life. These default practices are inherited, according to Maina and Haines.

A short list of my de-faults:

1. fidgeting in meetings;

2. not having sufficient eye-contact;

3. taking excessive responsibility to placate a person who is annoyed, rather than engaging in conflict (i.e. "I'm sorry" n=infinity);

4. feeling dumb;

5. letting my insecurities interrupt my ability to be orally eloquent;

6. not giving people enough credit for their ability to act responsibly (translation = letting people get away with negative behavior OR not giving them the psychic space to figure out a mutually positive relationship with me);

7. working harder--emotionally--at professional relationships than need be and not hard enough on personal relationships; and

8. not giving myself enough credit for successes and too much credit for failures.

Despite all this negativity, Maina and Haines are incredibly inspiring. They state, "... because our default practices have often been shaped out of difficult experiences when we had limited means of dealing with and processing them, these practices often don't align with out present-day values, politics, and/or what we care most about ... The good news is that we can learn to observe our default practices, instead of reacting immediately. We can learn other ways to take care of what they were taking care of - other ways to deal with conflict, power, our own and others emotions and need for safety." Their definition of intentional practices as "as those we choose to do in order to transform the way we show up in the world" makes me overwhelmingly confident (and admittedly scared of failure) that I can gain the confidence I need to not only appear like I "have my sh*t together" but feel like it too. At the core of it, I need to be more centered if I am to make it as a "self"/"community"-made environmental leader.

Amazing! Looking at three pictures of happy babes (Bronwyn, Charlie, and myself), I would never guess that one could be so confused. Ha! that is because only one has turned 30.